Decisions and Results

 Good Sunny cold morning,

 I tried to sign up to the Canadian Gov. immunization site thinking it would lead me to the Covid booster appointment forms and instead I found out I am OUT OF DATE. Aw. So sorry for all of those many years of no flu shot, etc.

  Being managed is difficult. I need to stick to seeing what is all around me as fulfilled choices and acceptable results. Then move on. We older folks are weary from fighting the social need to be regulated. I certainly have been resisting for years. Creative license and mass think do not mix. 

   We feel the impact of every new requirement in our bones as we work to keep up with the changes in our culture and environment. I have stopped at Facebook. No instagram, tweet, blabla. Too much. Well, What's App works ok for family far away and videos and photos are the most important news items on the baby I haven't met. Yet. 

   Should I fly? Drive? Take shots? Trust fate? Stay home?  Yes, all of the above when the mood strikes and the world seems to make an opening for me to move in ease or with confidence. I do not like these challenges. Did I help make them into reality? Probably. I want a heated house; do I have to feel guilty to the Earth? Using up resources, accepting climate change guilt, apologizing to the trees I burn; is this necessary? Aren't we here and now and ok in the universe of possible realities? Can we change these
tense outlooks with some friendly understanding? Conundrum. 2022, come along, sing a new song. Please.                                                                                                    

 Love, Ann

I Feel Like Writing

   

   In this newly whitened world on a frigid Spring Equinox, in a year of confinement, caution, creativity and care, what can be said to heighten the spirit of the day? We go on and on adjusting and re-aligning ourselves and still there is no great new reality emerging from the challenges.

   I am a juggler of mood and ability as I walk the plank of aging. Who is that in the mirror? She sags and looks bewildered. Why must the young encounter this worldly mess? Where is the ease? Who can enliven our outlook? When will the dangers end?

   It seems my inner life has taken to the cloud. Social interaction is constrained and masked with the eyes speaking loud and clear. Armshots are the gold, real estate the prize to fight for. How do we carry on with a sense of renewal when there are others unhinged from lack of any security or comradery. My children are Chinese and Latina. I am an immigrant from another land. 'Unity awareness' has a nice ring to the sound image but it is fragmented into units of We/Them.

   Did my father sink in realization of his need to go to war? Were the mothers of our childhood disappointed with the lacks of life? What happens when you reach the conclusion that Mankind is not kind and manliness contributes to a weakened strain of power-controlled ineptitude.

   I think sitting in the home typing is a placebo for the wishes we have that are not coming out as we would choose. Go out, find beauty, forget the things that have gone down the drain of history. I say to myself.. there is a light here somewhere. It is tiny and shines in the heart of those I love. It emerges in unexpected places, in masked faces, on earthly spaces. Our determination to BE is fueling the push of daily experience. Now what?